Overview
Whenever you see one of those lists of "lamest superheroes" there's a really good chance that somewhere on there you'll find Buford T. Hollis AKA The Razorback. That's a shame. Being an Arkie myself, I've always had a fond spot for the Razorback because of his name (if nothing else). However, I don't think that's all there is to commend him. |
| Gilgamesh |
Aside from his fetching headdress, I thought the Razorback had a good color scheme. I tend to like heroes in green anyways (e.g., Green Lantern, Green Arrow, Fire, Mantis, Gamora, Drax, etc.) but the green and brown bespeak a earthy sorta guy. If a dude named Buford became a superhero, I'd totally expect him to have a costume that made great use of camo color combinations.
So with all these positives, what's not to like about Razorback? Well...his one mind-boggling failure is his powerset. Now with a name (and look) like what we see above, what would you expect? A guy with super-strength...maybe a super-tough hide. Somebody along the lines of Power-Man...or maybe Wolverine sans the claws and adamantium skeleton? That would be logical. That would make sense with his name....but no.
Razorback's mutant power was...the ability to drive any kind of vehicle. [crickets] Yep. You read that right. Now, in fairness...prior to the manifestation of his mutant power, Buford was already an all-star athlete. So, he's got some pretty solid physical strength and endurance...it's just not superhuman. Fair enough. That basically puts him in the class of guys like Hawkeye, the Punisher, etc. (though probably sans the combat training of those guys.)
Since ComicVine lists no creator(s) for the Razorback, I can only assume that credit for his being is due to everyone on the credits line of his inaugural appearance (summarized below). If that is correct, then Buford T. Hollis' four daddies are: Bill Mantlo, Sal Buscema, Mike Esposito, and Archie Goodwin. Additionally, two (presumably) ladies also appear on the byline, but their last names are not given. (I wouldn't want to be in the HR meeting discussing this one after the fact). Can anybody out there help me with the identification of Annette K. and Janice C. ?
Anywho, I like the Razorback...and I hope you will too. Read on for my synopsis of his first appearance, and some Razorback fan art by my kids.
First Appearance
The inaugural appearance of the Razorback was in The Spectacular Spider-Man #13 (DEC 1977). [Interestingly, this makes the Razorback and I almost the same age. Doubly-interesting because I grew up only an hour from the Razorback's supposed place of origin (i.e., Texarkana, AR).]
This issue opens with Spidey picking himself up off the ground in a trash-strewn alley. Apparently, he was blasted out there during a confrontation with Brother Power and Sister Sun (in the previous issue).
Stilled addled, when his Spider-sense starts tingling the Wall Crawler assumes Brother Power has followed him into the alley to finish him off. Rather than waiting for his vision to clear, Spidey decides to get the drop on this attacker by throwing the first punch. Unfortunately, as he discovers, this "somebody big" isn't Brother Power!
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| Thus, the Razorback is introduced (in truly painful hackneyed "Trucker lingo.") |
Razorback grabs the web-head by his noggin and hurls him across the alley. Sailing through the air, Spidey grabs hold of a light post, using it and his momentum to swing back and plant a crushing blow into Razorback's chest. This is enough to launch the porcine paladin through the front window of Brother Power's restaurant.
The Wall Crawler follows, intending to finish off Razorback quickly so he can, "get back upstairs" to "save Flash." (I guess Flash Thompson got himself in a some sort of a jam in the previous issue.) When Spider-Man takes hold of his still prone foe, we're introduced to another little trick of the Razorback
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| Of course he has an electric mane.. You know, just like the native razorback?! |
Razorback tells Spidey he, "don't hold no grudges" since he understands that, "all you eastern superhero types always stomp each other by way o' introduction!" With that, the hogshead hero extends a hand to help Spidey up off the floor, while--for reasons that utterly escape me--revealing his real name is Buford T. Hollis from Texarkana, AR.
Okay, so...it's a weird introduction. But rather than being gracious, the webhead gets simultaneously self-righteous and self-centered, accusing Razorback of "pick[ing] a fight just to get to know me!" (Apparently, getting tazed by the electric mane cause Spidey to forget that he threw the opening punch of this little tussle.)
After his atypically un-heroic outburst, Spidey charges upstairs to find a beaten and addled (but still breathing) Flash Thompson. Flash explains that while Brother Power was using his head as punching bag, he and Sha Shan (Sister Sun) suddenly stopped cold--like they were listening to a voice from elsewhere--before suddenly fleeing.
Spider-Man starts to question Flash further, but that is cut short by the sight of Brother Power's sedan laying rubber on the street. Just as he's about to web after the car, Spidey is stopped by a big gloved hand attached to an even bigger fella. Again, Spidey initially reacts with jerkishness, calling Razorback an, "overgrown corn-fed hayseed" before shutting up long enough for RB to explain, "I'm just tryin' to save ya a trip -- sort of by way o' apologizin'!" (Again...not really sure what Razorback is needing to apologize for here.)
Anyway, the Master of Taxidermy explains that he's placed a tracer on Brother Power's car. Without bothering to issue his own (more warranted) apology, Spidey finally admits, "not bad at all, Tusks" before changing the subject by asking why Razorback is after Brother Power. The Swooieee Sentinel merely repeats his earlier ambiguous claim that, "it's family business."
Spider-Man let's the whole question of motivation drop as quickly as it arose when Flash Thompson comes running up demanding to be included if the two animal-themed adventurers are "going after Sha Shan." Amazingly, Spider-Man says, "Why not?...Three can afford the cab fare easier than one!" (What?! This dude was just near-unconscious in an upstairs room, but sure let the un-powered civilian tag along for a confrontation with a super-villain?!) As it turns out, the trio will get to save their cab fare 'cause RB has some wheels of his own.
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| It's like a grain combine had a secret love child with a Peterbilt... and it was one ugly baby. |
They rollout in the "fastest semi-rig north, east, south, or west of T-City, Arkansas" (by the way, as a native of the area, I don't believe I ever heard anyone refer to Texarkana as "T-City") in pursuit of Brother Power. Oh and, just because, we're treated to a panel of the Big Pig popping a wheelie!
Meanwhile, north of the city, Brother Power & Sister Sun arrive at a fancy schmancy Croton-on-the-Hudson estate. As they enter, an underling informs them that their superior (as yet unidentified) is awaiting to personally express his displeasure at their performance.
Though Brother Power starts to accuse the underling of scheming against him, that's cut short when the Big Bad reveals himself and condemns Brother Power for having defied his orders not to utilize his superhuman powers in public. And that Big Bad is none other than...
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| Am I the only one who found it super-corny that the Hate-Monger had a giant "H" on his chest? |
Despite Brother Power's braggadocio, a quick pimp power blast from the Hate Monger puts the little underling back in his place. Then, to twist the knife a bit more, the ol' Violent Violet informs BP that not only did he violate the first rule of
Meanwhile, said interlopers are...
No...not those guys. These guys:
We find out that the picture of the runaway taped to the dash is of Razorback's sister, one Bobbie Sue (because of course that's her name). So Bobbie Sue--we'll just call her B.S. for short😏--joined up with Brother Power's cult and was brainwashed into cutting all ties with her family. (Cult brainwashing stories were all over the news in the 70s and 80s.) By the time he found out where they'd stashed his little sister, the Legion of Light was gone--and they'd taken their little B.S. with them! (See what I did there?)
Buford, being the rational chap he was, "figgered" that since he had some big muscles, had a knack for building things, and "had stopped a gang of radio rustlers smugglin' hot CB equipment across state lines," he could just put on a hogs head and track his sister down. (No, I'm not making up that part about the radio rustlers. That is actually in the comic.)
Having finished his rather weird origin story, Razorback gives Flash an opening to explain the back story of himself, Sha Shan, and the Legion. We learn that Sha was the daughter of a reclusive Vietnamese mystic. One day her pops summoned Sha and told her, "there is a precarious balance on earth between good and evil." Dear ol' dad goes on to explain that a Lord of Darkness has descended to earth and chosen a mortal as his emissary of hate. For some unexplained reason, however, this emissary has been given power that he won't actually be able to use unless joined to one of purity and innocence. And...you guessed it...Sha Shan "has" to be the one to marry this dweeb of darkness in order to preserve the all-important balance. Oh and by the way, Sha Shan's dad tells her he doesn't have long to live. Well Brother Power (the aforementioned dweeb) shows up, marries Sha, and they flee just before the temple is destroyed in the last bombing of the Vietnam War.
About the time Flash's story ends, the Big Pig rolls to a stop on a hill overlooking the Hate-Monger's hacienda.
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| This doesn't seem like a sufficiently stealthy approach to me. You? |
Spidey manages to walk across a remarkably low-hanging telephone line in what looks like broad daylight without being seen by any of the confessedly beefed up security.
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| Maybe his words are nicer, but Spidey's still thinking self-righteously. |
Arriving outside a upper-floor window, Spidey is shocked to see the Brother Power and Sister Sun in the same room with the supposedly-dead Hate-Monger!
HM spouts the standard bad guy pablum about how the Legion's "gullible" followers will see his appearance at a planned rally the following day as, "the greatest manifestation of the power of the light! But they...will learn that it is really the power of hate...and swiftly feel just how great that power truly is!"
Deciding hanging out with a wanted criminal--even a dead one--is sufficient evidence against the Legion of Light, Spidey tries to make his way back to Razorback and Flash. Unfortunately for the Wall Crawler, a searing jolt of electricity runs down the "telephone" line shocking the arachnid and sending him crashing through the roof and into a shed adjacent to the main house.
Back on the hillside, Flash and Razorback witness a bright flash of light and conclude their pal has gotten in trouble and needs some back-up. Unfortunately for the not-quite-dynamic duo, they're almost immediately surrounded by a legion of club-wielding legionnaires.
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| This odds are lookin' pretty lopsided to me, but ya gotta admire the Pork Protector's moxie! |
Back at the shed, Spider-Man finds himself in pitch darkness (which is odd, since it sure looks like it's daytime outside and he did fall straight through the roof--I mean, wouldn't you expect some sunlight would make it through? But I digress.) That doesn't last long, however, as the lights suddenly flick on to reveal Brother Power and Sister Sun in a joint attack on the Webslinger! They reveal that everything Spidey overheard was part of an elaborate trap using decoys. All the while, BP and SS were waiting in the shed for him to come crashing through the roof so they could blast him with their light powers. (😔 Ahhhh. Okay. And how did Hate-Monger know precisely the route that Spidey would take retreating from the house? In order to work properly this "plan" seems to require a Calvinist God-level of foreknowledge. I wasn't aware that the HM supposedly had that ability.)
Up on the hillside, Flash and Buford (more accurately--Buford) are giving the Legion of Light storm-troopers the ol' what-for. Between his electric mane and fisticuffs, Razorbacks got bodies hittin' the floor (well, okay, the ground) right and left. His fighting frenzy is momentarily stayed, however, when he spots his missing little sister, Bobbie Sue. This turns out to be a bad life decision.
Our next panels are a series of head shots of the Hate-Monger. He's thanking Spider-Man and his (perhaps less-than-amazing) friends for attacking his residence so directly. By doing this, HM says, they've played into his hands. Now even more people will tune in to watch his televised rally because they'll just be curious to know, "what manner of organization inspires such horrible acts of mindless violence!"
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