This week's story, again, presents us with a femme fatale. In this case, her name is Cyanide Cindy! (I like it.) As per usual with Midnight's female villains, I'm expecting this story to be a little more interesting than the last couple.
As the story begins, Wackey and Gab are curious where Dave is heading off to. He informs them he's broadcasting a beauty contest at Center Park. Wackey and Gab recall Sniffer having said something about being a "fine judge of feminine pulchritude," and decide to tag along to see what stupid thing Sniffer will do there. (Sure, guys. That's why you wanted to go to the women-in-swimsuits competition.😏) Upon arrival at Central Park--lo, and behold!--Sniffer actually is a judge! When he disavows Wackey and Gab to contest sponsor John Kandle, the latter orders their unceremonious bouncing from the judges' area.
The disgruntled duo settle into seats amongst the general audience. Gabby grouses, "Someday I'm going to eat that turkey buzzard raw!" A middle-aged woman in the crowd overhears the threat and chimes in, "If you're talking about my husband, John Kandle, I may cook him for you! Imagine such goings-on just to sell his beauty lotions!"
This budding discourse is interrupted, however, when Dave Clark announces, "the cream of American womanhood!" Apparently, the cream left something to be desired.
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Though initially wanting to call the whole thing off believing, "if pictures of these women get into the papers my business will be ruined!" Perkins persuades him that he must name a winner if for no other reason than prestige. "People expect you to come through every time!" (Yeah...I'm not really following the logic on that argument either.)
Despite the lack of any real logic in Perkins' argument, Mr. Kandle is nevertheless on the verge of naming one of the contestants the winner, when a last-minute mystery contestant shows up.
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While the disparate reactions of Wackey, Gabby, and Mrs. Kandle are pretty much what you'd expect.
Sniffer has a (shocking!) attack of conscience and protests to Kandle that he has his principles and won't be changing his vote. "After all, beauty is only skin deep!" While the two judges are busy debating the ontological nature of beauty, the last-minute contestant decides to take a more direct approach. She tells a guy named Lefty to, "toss me my rod." (Rod was just a term for a handgun back in the day. Get your mind outta the gutter.) About this time, Midnight realizes why the mystery contestant looks so familiar. She's a notorious (though previously unseen) criminal named Cyanide Cindy!
Quick as a whip, our boy Midnight pieces together that, "Those [other] contestants look like dishrags because Cindy persuaded them in her own sweet way!" The next thing you know, the femme fatale has a gun at the back of Sniffer's head.
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| At this point, I'm wondering, "Why all this rigamarole to win a beauty contest? Is there a big cash prize? Is Cindy insanely insecure? |
For good measure, Midnight goes on to deck Cindy's henchman (Lefty), who also is armed...and also fails to get a bullet within three miles of our hero, despite firing at point blank range. (A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, these guys would've made great imperial storm troopers.)
Cindy tries to make a break for it, while our hero was dispatching Lefty...but no such luck for the beastly beauty.
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| "Every time I meet you?!" Cindy sure sounds like she's tangled with our hero before, but I can't seem to find when/where. |
Join us next week as we wrap up this crazy caper!
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