Midnight and the Atomic Dice! -- Smash #68 (DEC 1946)

This story gets off to a bit of a slow start.  Yet another adventure that begins in the laboratory of Doc Wackey, this tale hit newsstands almost a year-and-a-half after the American bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki ending the Second World War.  Once it became common knowledge that the United States had developed atomic technology, all things atomic (bombs, radiation, etc.) became a MAJOR trope in superhero comics (not to mention monster movies).  

Today, Doc's putting the finishing touches on a pair of seemingly regular dice.  We quickly learn, however, that they're anything but that.  In fact, they are the world's first pair of atomic dice. Attempting to calm down the (reasonably) freaked-out Gabby, Doc explains that the dice are harmless until brought within one block of the "high frequency radiations near a radio tower."  (I'm no physicist...but I'm a little skeptical of the "science" here.) Doc explains that he's disguised his atomic explosive inside the dice, "to foil international spies."  Fully convinced of his invention's incognito status, Doc and Gabby leave the dice on the lab table and head out for an afternoon stroll.

Apparently, "African dominoes" was a slang term for dice.  What I've
not been able to ascertain is whether this was an intentionally racist 
idiom in the 40s.  If you happen to know, or can link me to quality 
information on this question, I'd appreciate it.

Meanwhile, at the radio station, Dave Clark is handed a hot-off-presses bulletin announcing that the notorious Max Magoo has broken out of the state penitentiary!  Magoo has left a note saying he knows he will eventually be caught, but before he is he'll accomplish his two remaining life goals:  (1) to shoot a million games of craps, and (2) to kill everyone responsible for sending him to prison (i.e., Midnight, the D.A., Judge Bloff, and the entire jury that convicted him.

No sooner do Doc and Gabby leave, then Sniffer Snoop invites himself to poke around the lab.  Upon seeing the dice, Sniffer concludes that despite Wackey's mumblings about having created an "earth-shaking" invention, the old man has really just been holed up shooting craps with Gabby.  He gives the dice a couple rolls for entertainment and, after rolling four sevens in a row, pockets the cubes and decides to had downtown to just in case "something profitable" turns up.

Doc and Gabby return to find..no dice and the prof announces, "I knew it! I've been watched by international spies!"  Doc then forcibly enlists the terrified Gabby to help him track the dice down, because "innocent lives are at stake!"

Back downtown, Sniffer tries to entice a suspiciously limp-armed passerby into a game of craps and gets a rather...ah...vigorous rebuttal.  

 

First "African dominoes" and now "Memphis marbles"? 
I'm learning all sorts of old slang for dice.

 

Having returned from the radio station and donned his Midnight attire, Dave Clark is frustrated to discover that all of his housemates/partners are AWOL, leaving him to begin the search for Max Magoo alone.

Then we cut away to a scene of Magoo making good on his pledge, and surrounded by a trio of limp-armed toadies begging not to have to shoot any more craps.  The oddly-punctilious Magoo agrees...but demands that they go out and find him somebody else to play.  After all, he's gotta get these million games done so he, "start knocking guys off!"

The pinups on the wall in the background make me
curious who the artist was for this issue.  Could it have been
a late Jack Cole work? 

We turn back to Doc and Gabby, still on the hunt for the missing dice.  No sooner do they spy Sniffer with the ivories, than they also see him snatched off the street and shoved into a passing car!  (Gee.  Can you guess you nabbed him?)

Doc and Gabby do their best to get to Sniffer before Magoo's thugs, but they fail.  Watching the car speed off in the direction of a radio transmitter, when they hear a sudden BAM! -- Doc and Gab fall to the ground in grief.  About this time, Midnight shows up and wants to know what's going on.

Doc informs him that Sniffer had blown up both himself and the whole town, whereupon Midnight casually notes that the town doesn't look blown up to him...but he does see a car with a flat tire up ahead and two guys dragging a third.

Immediately recovered from their grief, Wackey is ready to charge off after Sniffer explaining that they've got to get to the defective detective before he does blow up the town.  

At this point, the writing has some real problems.  

So...rather than follow the two guys dragging the third (on foot, remember), Midnight decides the smart play is to pose as a street-corner vendor selling, "the world's best liniment for sore arms."  When another of Magoo's arm-weary henchlings (one, Bones Bileski) makes a snatch for the fake liniment bottles, Midnight seizes Bones by the arm and twists it into all sorts of unholy (and anatomically impossible) contortions until Bileski gives up the location of Magoo's hideout, which turns out to be a yacht.

Onboard, Sniffer is hurled into what has effectively become the craps cabin with Magoo.  They tell Snoop that he's going to shoot craps, but the mustachioed menace could be forgiven for missing details.  He was a bit distracted by the dead chap on the floor.  Magoo coolly explains that the corpse had assumed room temperature as a result of trying to use crooked dice.  Thereupon, Sniffer tosses the macguffin dice out the nearest porthole and suggest that they use Magoo's dice for the game.

Out on deck Gabby is beaned on the head by the discarded dice, causing him to yell out in pain -- (and, curiously, suffer a punk knot on the noggin).  Thus alerted, one of the "Magoons" (see what I did there?) receives his own beaning courtesy of our azure-attired hero.

After the excitement of the moment passes, Midnight and company suddenly realize that the dice that hit Gabby were Wackey's!  Gazing helplessly over the ship's rail as the ballistic bones float ever closer to a "trans-ocean radio tower" our heroes have no chance to formulate a plan.  As it turns out, the previous ruckus has alerted the remaining Magoons and the obligatory donnybrook ensues.  After dispatching the small fry, the final mano-a-mano with Magoo is kind of a let down.  Midnight bursts in on Magoo, pops him one good time, and that's it.

...as is your C5 vertebrae, apparently😨

About this time the dice finally explode, creating a tidal wave that carries our heroes and their criminal quarry back to shore, depositing them -- as fortune would have it -- right into the foyer of the police station

PostScript

After serving out his debt to society, Max retired to a quiet life and became known as something of a bulldog enthusiast.

The Perils of Dating a Crimefighter -- Smash Comics #67 (OCT 1946)

It seems like we've been on a tear recently with Midnight adventures centering--one way or another--around one-off female characters.  This week we sort of explore Dave Clark's dating life (something that's been unaddressed since "The Circus Mystery" by Jack Cole back in Smash Comics #24.  Apparently there was no love connection with Miss Taylor, perhaps our boy will have better luck with Miss Annabelle Sweete.

This story again opens with Dave's roommates at swords' points.  Sniffer has apparently helped himself to Doc Wackey's store of "pre-war grape juice."  

When Gabby and the Doc come to exact their revenge, Sniffer barricades himself into his bedroom and threatens to let them, "have both barrels right through the door!"  His will for revenge inexplicably broken, Doc gives up his pursuit...but before walking away he issues a prophetic warning to Sniffer:  "...one of these days Dave Clark'll need his spare bedroom and out you'll go!"  This gets Sniffer to fretting...and scheming.

Meanwhile, blocks away an appropriate-looking criminal attorney named Denslow is lying in wait for District Attorney Westcott.  Denslow approaches and, before the D.A. can fully grasp the danger he's in, guns down Wescott!  A block away from these happenings, Dave Clark is exiting his radio station when he hears the gunshot.  

Midnight-sense, tingling!

Quickly donning his mask, Dave somehow knows exactly which direction to run to and he arrives--attired as Midnight--at the scene (apparently) mere moments after the murder.  While he's examining the body of the late D.A., our hero is surprised by a whisper behind him.  Wheeling about for action, Midnight is shocked to discover not a hardened killer, but a witness!  

It turns out that this blonde bombshell--eventually to be revealed as Miss Annabelle Sweete--was standing nearby when Westcott was gunned down, and tells Midnight she recognized the killer! Before she can say more, a second shot rings out--narrowly missing Sweete!  However unlikely it might seem, Denslow has stuck around and now knows he's been made. Having--literally--dodged a bullet, Midnight swiftly, he spirits the young woman out of the alley and into a nearby taxi cab.

Once safely away, Annabelle reveals she passed both men close enough to hear them speaking to each other and got a good look at their faces (though--unbelievably--neither of them noticed her?). 

Midnight decides Annabelle needs a safe house to hide out until she can testify against Denslow.  He suggests she in his "friend" Dave Clark's spare room.  Miss Sweete not only agrees, she really...uh...commits to the role.

At the house, Midnight asks Annabelle to wait a  moment while he goes informs "Dave" of the plan.  Then he'll send Clark out to escort her in properly. 

As soon as he's inside, Dave (he's apparently removed at the mask on the walk up to the front door?) tells the boys to frantically get the place spruced up because his girlfriend is waiting outside.  Despite being shocked and little offended that they've been left in the dark about this romance, the trio comply.  They do, however, pause long enough to spy on Dave lip-wrestling his new lady friend in front of the house.  From the looks of it, Dave may have lost that particular match.

Back inside the house, Dave makes the entirely reasonable announcement that, "Annabelle is visiting us for awhile! One of you'll bunk on the couch until we make regular arrangements for her room!"  Immediately, the wild speculation begins.  Sniffer is enraged that this surely signals and his and Hotfoot's impending ouster.  Vowing that he "won't take this lying down" and that, "if anyone leaves it'll be that be that female Dracula!"  

Meanwhile, Doc and Gabby entertain fevered fears of their own.

Oh, Doc...Your lingo has not aged well. smh

All of Dave's roomies decide to pursue reverse-psychology strategies to get Annabelle to leave.  After Doc politely excuses himself to go work on his latest invention, Gabby warns Annabelle she might not want to sit too close to the door as the Doc is "getting a bit careless" in his old age and that new super atomic bomb could make a nasty hole.  

While Gab and Doc are painting pictures of mortal danger, Sniffer prefers to appeal to his assumed feminine sense of disgust.

I'm not gonna lie. Annabelle is startin' to grow on me.

Meanwhile, Midnight's search for Denslow is reaching a dead end.  Denslow, however, has hit upon a strategy for finding (and snuffing out) the mystery woman who witnessed his crime.  He knows radio man Dave Clark is buddies with Midnight, so Denslow wonders if the woman might be stashed there.  Okay...kinda convenient but I guess the story isn't too outlandish.  Next, however, Denslow decides that he personally should go and check out Clark's home.  (Mind you, this is despite the fact that up til now, Denslow's apparently remained in hiding and has been sending his underlings out to look for the woman...So, why the sudden change of heart?)  

When his oathmen cronies object that their boss can't go out in public without being nabbed on the spot! (Nevermind that it makes no sense why he would be nabbed, since Annabelle has yet to testify to any legal authority!) .  Never they should worry, though.  Da Boss has a plan:

Umm...yeah.  Looks perfectly normal.

Despite Denslow's desires, his two thugs worry about the boss heading to Clark's house alone. (Awww. Isn't that sweet?)  They decide to secretly tail him...just to make sure he isn't nailed for Wescott's murder and they don't wind up being sent to jail along with him.  And anyway, they reason, "that Clark oughta be rubbed out for bein' chummy with Midnight!"

Spying Denslow coming up the drive, Sniffer seizes upon yet another moronic idea.  

No sooner is he escorted into the living room, than Denslow dumps the headgear and produces a gat.  He's prevented from shooting Annabelle, however, by Hotfoot's intervention.  While the bear cub goes chows down on the lawyer's ankle like a ribeye, one of Denslow's shots goes wild.  The report sends his goons racing to their boss' aid, and causes Wackey and Gabby to (incomprehensibly) conclude that Annabelle has started housecleaning?!

Perhaps Doc should invent a hearing aid.

 

Midnight returns home--in costume, mind you--to find his quarry in his living room.  The standard fistfight ensues.  Whatever Doc is cooking up (we're never quite told) it blows the door off its hinges striking Denslow in the face.  Apparently, the smoke (or is it the stench?) coming off the experiment is pretty bad too.  It empties the house!  When the cos show up to arrest Denslow & company, the (shockingly) fickle Annabelle starts hittin' on the balding (and presumably much older) chief of police.  

Guess Midnight dodged more than one bullet this time.

A Pig in a Poke (part 2) -- Smash Comics #66 (AUG 1946)H

Meanwhile, despairing of their pal ever returning with the promised pork chops, Wackey and Gab have stepped out and are on their way to pick up their own dinner at The Coffee Pot when they abducted at gunpoint by a woman calling herself Circe.  Apparently, Circe is simply a misandrist with a particularly bizarre plan for exacting her feminine vengeance.

Despite their skepticism, a quick dosing of Circe's "pig medicine" and Midnight's sidekicks become swinekicks.

We next learn that the mystery man buying all the pork is named Quimby.  If you want to get a sense of Quimby, try to imagine an anti-Ron Swanson and I think you'd be pretty spot on.

The next couple of panels are confusing.  I think we're to understand that Circe has set up in Doc Gage's basement.  Further, we're supposed to divine that Midnight followed Quimby around town, but for some bizarre reason didn't overtake him to demand an explanation until he arrived at Gage's.  Mind you, the exact location of Circe's lab is not specified...However, I can't make sense of these panels with any other explanation:

A quick inspection of his late friend, reveals that Gage took a rap to the head...though apparently with more long-lasting consequences.  About this time, Midnight spots his caged pals, and Circe is breathless at the prospect of another "pig-man" for her collection.

The femme fatale protests that she didn't kill the doctor, and Midnight compliments her on an "almost convincing" act.

Meanwhile, Sniffer Snoop is still in search of dinner when he spots our old pal Quimby attempting to scale a security fence at the Kirkey Packing Plant.  Concluding that the Kirkey Plant will reward him handsomely for capturing a thief in the act, Sniffer gives chase and--like Midnight before him--follows Quimby all the way back to Circe's lab before overtaking him.  (Makes one wonder just how fleet of foot that little shrimp Quimby is.  After all, he's been running around all day...toting  a large amount of pork...and still manages to outrun two regular crimefighters!)

In any event, Sniffer charges in as Circe is delivering her manifesto about the mission to turn all men into pigs...oh yeah, and she totally has no idea what happened to Gage.

Midnight looks super engaged here, doesn't he?

Despite getting the drop on her and being armed himself, Sniffer somehow manages to not subdue or shoot the deranged vixen...and even manages to get himself stuck with her porcine transformation serum, and then somehow locked in the cage with Doc and Gabby!  (Yeah...real helpful there Sniffter.)

Quimby--who's suddenly reappeared--explains it's getting harder and harder for him to locate meat sources.  It's so bad, he pleads, that he had to "risk" swiping his most recent haul from the Kirkey Packing Plant.

At this point, Midnight--who for some inexplicable reason was never locked up or shot or injected by Circe despite all the time she's had him down in her basement laboratory, abruptly decides he's got more important things to do than stop this mad scientist or free any of his caged roommates.

Meanwhile, a distraught Hotfoot decides he can wait no longer for his master and sets out to find Sniffer Snoop.  Apparently, the bear cub follows his scent because suddenly el oso blanco arrives at Circe's Lab, where the aforementioned ne'er-do-weller is given to a surprising (and, frankly, kind of unbelievable) fit of panic at his sight!

Circe recovers pretty quick, though.  Grabbing the nearest needle, she decides she'll just turn Hotfoot into a pig too.  Unfortunately for her, in the melee she gets confused and injects him with the antidote.  When Hotfoot, then pursues his piglike master and roomies, the little bear's bites transfer the antidote to them and everyone is returned to normal.  (Yeah...because that's how medicine works.)

While Wackey and the others are busy cornering Circe, Midnight is crashing through an office window over at the Kirkey Packing Plant.  Just before he does so, Gustavson treats us to an omniscient narrator view of the office interior, explaining just who was behind the fatal attack on Gage.

While delivering his standard beating of the bad guys, Midnight lets Kirkey know that he's owed an extra blow or two for the blackjack slug he gave Midnight back at Dr. Gage's home.  Bereft of his muscle, Kirkey promptly surrenders and begins spilling the beans on all his criminal activities.  After acknowledging that he clubbed Midnight, the packing plant impresario admits to following Gage to the home of the late vet's lab assistant, where he knocked Gage unconscious and left him in a freezer to die of hypothermia.  Suddenly putting two and two together, Midnight leaves Kirkey with the cops and rushes back to Circe's lab.

Upon arrival, he finds all his buddies are back to looking like regular ole hominids.  A broken Circe is crying about how she still loves Jim, and it was only her grief that drove her mad.  "If only he were still alive!"

This our cue for the improbable wrap-up scene as Doc Wackey announces that Gage is alive.  "He just needed a little reviving!"

There's a lot of words you could use to describe a story like this
but I don't think "simple" is one of them, Midnight.

A Pig in a Poke (part 1) -- Smash Comics #66 (AUG 1946)

The origin of the expression 'pig in a poke' comes from the 1500s, when a “poke” was a sack, and merchants would sell piglets in pokes, often sight unseen. When an unsuspecting buyer got his poke home and went to release the piglet, a chicken, duck, goose, or some other animal less valuable than a pig would come out of the bundle instead. The advice being given is “don’t buy anything until you have seen it.” (gingersoftware.com)

The expression strikes me as very appropriate for the Midnight feature from August 1946.  As the story opens, Dave Clark is strolling past the offices of his (apparently) old friend, veterinarian Jim Gage.  He decides to drop in for a visit--just in time to see the Doc manhandling a thug whom he'd caught, "prowling around my office."

Squealing Like a Stuck Pig

As the ne'er-do-well is running away he ominously shouts, "Kirkey'll take care 'o you!"  When Dave asks what this is all about, Gage dismisses it as not "worth the trouble of asking."  The good doctor then quickly pivots the conversation by saying he has a very important announcement that Dave can make on air, if he likes.

Gage claims he's discovered a surefire method for detecting trichinosis in pigs.  Dave says that's "terrific," and we're treated to a couple of PSA style panels where Gage and Clark more-or-less break the fourth wall to tell us about the importance of government meat inspectors.  This whole conversation is interrupted, however, by a sudden phone call.

Dave offers some tongue-in-cheek condolence to Gage for the loss of his, "best girl."  Gage responds that it's worse than that:  She was his best lab assistant!  Dave smoothly segues into an exit by acknowledging there's little he can do to help his friend solve the new assistant vacancy...but he'll be sure to broadcast the Gage discovery.  With that, he's out the door.

Just outside, however, Dave notes that the thug who'd been casing Gage's office earlier has returned--with a gun!  Quickly donning his mask, our hero decides to pick up with would-be assassin where Gage left off.

Unfortunately, Midnight's opponent has an accomplice waiting across the street in a car.  While our boy is distracted beating his brown-suited yegg to a pulp, his wingman approaches and clubs the blue paladin unconscious.  By the time Midnight wakes, both assailants are gone.  He takes a quick peek in the window, sees Gage is fine and busy with something--and decides there's, "no sense in worrying him with all this."  [Yes.  You read that right.  Midnight decides that the guy who was apparently the intended target of a murder doesn't need to at least be warned that a dude showed up outside his office with a handgun to plug him!?]  Instead, he just takes off his domino mask and heads home.

Back at the Case de Clark (y amigos), Dave decides he really just needs a little meal to clear his head.  Alas, Sniffer has already wiped out all the roast beef.  After breaking up yet another near-fisticuffs between Wackey and original Snoop Dog, Dave volunteers to head out and buy, "a flock of pork chops" as it's almost dinner time.

Poor Dave can't seem to get a break, though.  At one butcher shop after another he keeps hearing the same story:  "Sorry, but the guy who was in here just before you bought up every piece of hog meat in the store!"  After about seven shops, Dave finally spots the pork-laden purchaser and tries to corner the guy to get some answers as to what the heck he's doing.

Who is this mystery man?
Why is he gathering all the pork in Big City?
Come back next week for the answers to these (and other) questions!

Killer Looks (Part 2) -- Smash Comics #65 (JUN 1946)

When we left Midnight last week, our hero had just captured the fleeing Cyanide Cindy after her failed attempt to threaten her way to the Kandle Beauty Lotion Contest crown.

Having learned that his contestants were...ahh...motivated to not put their proverbial best feet forward, Kandle is persuaded to restart the contest.  Though radio announcer Dave Clark has mysteriously disappeared, Midnight offers to pinch hit for him.

When word of the soon-to-be reprised contest gets out, Dame Kandle storms off proclaiming, "John Kandle doesn't know I'm here! Wait'll I ask him about these contest kiddies! The worm!"

Fifteen minutes later, the allotted prep time has come and gone but now both Mr. Kandle and Sniffer Snoop are missing!  Midnight tells Mr. Perkins (the only remaining contest judge) to stay on site, and our hero makes a bee-line for a nearby tavern where he's sure he'll find the absent assessors of allurement.

He arrives to find a panicked Hotfoot "yipe-ing" and to see Cyanide Cindy and Lefty forcing some poor sap into a car.  (You'd think they would've been handed over to the cops following their earlier assault with a deadly weapon and intimidation, but I guess not?!)  So, naturally, Midnight has to subdue them a second time.

Just another scene of the "non-powered" Midnight punching a dude hard
enough to knock the door off a 1940s sedan. 😕

After quickly trussing up Cindy, we learn that her would-be victim was Sniffer Snoop.  Sniffer informs Midnight that he was heading to the tavern with Kandle when the magnate suddenly disappeared.  A moment later, Sniff Dogg says he heard a groan from the bushes, but before he could investigate he was seized by Cindy and Lefty.  He leads Midnight to the scene of the crime where our hero discovers Kandle's corpse!

Sniffer races back to the contest fetches Perkins, Gabby, Wackey, and Mrs. Kandle.  Then...the wild speculation starts.  Sniffer is sure the "gangster woman" is guilty.  Cindy protests that she's, "not strong enough to kill a man with a rabbit punch!"  Though not necessarily on-board with Sniffer, Midnight notes that he's experienced Cindy's delicate fist one or twice...and it's plenty lethal!

Gabby interjects that obviously Mrs. Kandle is guilty party!  "You should've heard the threats she made against her husband!"  Midnight looks Dame Kandle over, pronouncing her "...just about strong enough to kill a man that way, too!"  At this, the emotionally-distraught widow faints.

Mr. Perkins sweeps his erstwhile employer's widow up in his arms and begins carrying her to a first aid station.  While Gabby and Sniffer are still busy arguing over which woman is the murderer, Midnight (in his best Columbo impression) asks Perkins, "Isn't Mrs. Kandle a bit heavy for you?" 

When the slight man explains that adrenaline fuelled chivalry must've given him a momentary burst of strength, Midnight asks if Perkins might not mind rolling up his sleeves and showing off his ectomorphic frame.  And then comes our "Big Reveal!"

Killer Looks (Part 1) -- Smash Comics #65 (JUN 1946)

This week's story, again, presents us with a femme fatale.  In this case, her name is Cyanide Cindy!  (I like it.)  As per usual with Midnight's female villains, I'm expecting this story to be a little more interesting than the last couple.

As the story begins, Wackey and Gab are curious where Dave is heading off to.  He informs them he's broadcasting a beauty contest at Center Park.  Wackey and Gab recall Sniffer having said something about being a "fine judge of feminine pulchritude," and decide to tag along to see what stupid thing Sniffer will do there.  (Sure, guys.  That's why you wanted to go to the women-in-swimsuits competition.😏)  Upon arrival at Central Park--lo, and behold!--Sniffer actually is a judge!  When he disavows Wackey and Gab to contest sponsor John Kandle, the latter orders their unceremonious bouncing from the judges' area.

The disgruntled duo settle into seats amongst the general audience.  Gabby grouses, "Someday I'm going to eat that turkey buzzard raw!"  A middle-aged woman in the crowd overhears the threat and chimes in, "If you're talking about my husband, John Kandle, I may cook him for you!  Imagine such goings-on just to sell his beauty lotions!"  

This budding discourse is interrupted, however, when Dave Clark announces, "the cream of American womanhood!"  Apparently, the cream left something to be desired.

Incensed, Mr. Kandle decides someone has plotted to sabotage Kandle's Beauty Lotion with this farce.  He demands an explanation from one of his employees named Perkins. (I can only assume Perkins is a right-hand man or something.)  Wackey and Gabby are having a ROTFLOL moment, whilst Dame Kandle seems suspiciously pleased by the goings on.

Though initially wanting to call the whole thing off believing, "if pictures of these women get into the papers my business will be ruined!"  Perkins persuades him that he must name a winner if for no other reason than prestige.  "People expect you to come through every time!"  (Yeah...I'm not really following the logic on that argument either.)

Despite the lack of any real logic in Perkins' argument, Mr. Kandle is nevertheless on the verge of naming one of the contestants the winner, when a last-minute mystery contestant shows up.

While the disparate reactions of Wackey, Gabby, and Mrs. Kandle are pretty much what you'd expect.  

Sniffer has a (shocking!) attack of conscience and protests to Kandle that he has his principles and won't be changing his vote.  "After all, beauty is only skin deep!"  While the two judges are busy debating the ontological nature of beauty, the last-minute contestant decides to take a more direct approach.  She tells a guy named Lefty to, "toss me my rod."  (Rod was just a term for a handgun back in the day. Get your mind outta the gutter.)  About this time, Midnight realizes why the mystery contestant looks so familiar.  She's a notorious (though previously unseen) criminal named Cyanide Cindy!

Quick as a whip, our boy Midnight pieces together that, "Those [other] contestants look like dishrags because Cindy persuaded them in her own sweet way!"  The next thing you know, the femme fatale has a gun at the back of Sniffer's head.

At this point, I'm wondering, "Why all
this rigamarole to win a beauty contest?
Is there a big cash prize?  Is Cindy insanely
insecure?

About this time, Midnight comes out from behind the curtain telling Cindy to, "Drop that heater!"  She, of course, takes a shot at him at near point-blank range...but somehow utterly fails to hit him, whilst our azure-hued avenger deftly kicks the gun out of her hand.

For good measure, Midnight goes on to deck Cindy's henchman (Lefty), who also  is armed...and also fails to get a bullet within three miles of our hero, despite firing at point blank range.  (A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, these guys would've made great imperial storm troopers.)  

Cindy tries to make a break for it, while our hero was dispatching Lefty...but no such luck for the beastly beauty.

"Every time I meet you?!"  Cindy sure sounds like she's tangled with our
hero before, but I can't seem to find when/where.  

Join us next week as we wrap up this crazy caper!

Kings Are Wild (Part 2)-- Smash Comics #64 (APR 1946)

Last week, we left an unconscious Midnight seemingly doomed to a watery grave.  Meanwhile, his laundryman-killer went about his way delivering wetwash to the Vaporian Consul's office.

At the consulate, a servant woman meets him at the door asks if he's heard that, "Everyone is looking for King Zoris." The laundryman simply mumbles to himself:  "Not everybody."

In the front parlor of the Consulate, Sniffer has arrived with his "King Zoris" (and the king's remarkably thuggish-looking "prime minister").  After being left unattended, Sniffer begins proclaiming at the top of his lungs, "Consul! I've brought King Zoris!"  Hotfoot growls at a curtain...and is, of course, ignored.  The error of that oversight becomes apparent too late.

A gat appears in the folds of the curtain.  A shot rings out and the would-be king is cut down!  The "prime minister" hurls back the curtain, but finds only an empty hallway.

Back in the servants' quarters, the gunshot terrifies the maid.  Yet one suspects that shock pales in comparison to the sight of a dashing, azure-bedecked man emerging from her laundry bag!  It seems Midnight was stirred to consciousness by the gunplay.

Still a bit addled, Midnight begins wandering through the Consulate.  He eventually stumbles into the erstwhile "king's" companions, and both assume the other was guilty of slingin' lead.

Midnight goes Super-Saiyan!

Back in the front room, Doc and Gabby arrive claiming they found King Zoris, Sniffer protests that's absurd because he already found Zoris before the king was cut down in a vicious act of regicide.  Midnight waltzes in--apparently it didn't take him too long to dispatch his sparring partners--and starts asking questions when he hears Gabby's claim.

Midnight immediately recognizes this latest pretender as none other than Donald Larkinfoot, Shakespearean actor.  Donald doesn't put up much of a protest, however.    You see, Hotfoot starts growling at the curtain again, and Midnight immediately recognizes it's hiding a killer.  He lands a couple haymakers into the scarlet mass, before dragging an assassin from its velvety folds.

At this point, Donald decides things have gotten waaaay too real...and that taking a job with a road company will be easier on his life expectancy.

The threat subdued, Midnight tosses the killer's gun to Wackey and tells him to, "keep an eye on this collection of fakes!"  Sniffer is sent to find the Consul and get him to a hospital.  Midnight begins questioning the various actors in this evening's stolen identity case.  When he asks the hoods what made them think they could pass off their ugly partner as a king, one of them retorts that everything would've worked fine and they would've beaten Midnight senseless, "if you hadn't laid it on our chins with that heavy ring."

Taking a quick glance at his hand, Midnight races back to the servants' quarters.  He asks the maid what she knows about the laundryman, and is told he's "inefficient and insulting."  On top of it all, the fool dropped off  Midnight in a laundry bag instead of the Consulate's wet-wash!  In fact, she's just called him and demanded that he correct his mistake. 

When the laundryman arrives, we finally get our big reveal:

Exposed, Zoris initially pulls a saber from under his coat and makes the ill-considered attempt to skewer our hero.  After easily kicking the sword away, Midnight delivers a quick one-two to the royal schnoze, before frog marching him back to the front parlor.

In the meantime, Sniffer has returned with the Vaporian Consul and it's time for the final story wrap-up.  At this point, Zoris finally opens up about his motives.  Apparently, the king didn't want to retain the throne with its inherent dangers from anarchists and assassins.  He just wanted to stay in his humble laundromat.

In a final frustrating twist, a breaking radio bulleting reports that a recount of the Vaporian plebiscite has shown there was an error on the first count.  In fact, the people do NOT want Zoris back.  They have elected to form a Republic.

As Dean Martin would say, "Ain't that a kick in the head?"

Kings Are Wild (Part 1)-- Smash Comics #64 (APR 1946)

Despite nice artwork, I was a little disappointed by this story as it seems to be a rehash of the mistaken identity gag from the previous issue.  As this one begins, radio announcer Dave Clark is informing the public that, "the people of the Kingdom of Vaporia have voted to restore King Zoris to the throne!"  The only problem is--no one knows what became of Zoris!  He disappeared after the Germans invaded (and apparently conquered?) his country in 1940. 

Predictably, Sniffer claims to be an expert in locating missing royalty.  Just as predictably, Gabby retorts that Sniffer, "couldn't find a king in a pinochle deck!"  Sniffer storms out in a huff, intent on proving his simian critic wrong.  Following Sniffer's departure, Doc convinces Gabby that they, too, ought to go on the hunt for Zoris. 

(There's no surprise here.  It's the standard formula for bickering among Midnight's entourage.  What did stand out to me was the civic interpretation being given, via Doc Wackey, to WWII.  To me, this sounds a lot more like Woodrow Wilson's justification for WWI than it does WWII.)

While Doc's civic-minded appeal doesn't sway Gabby, the announcement that Midnight will conduct his own search persuades the monk to join the hunt.  So...once again, our heroes's efforts to locate a missing person are divided into three independent streams:  (1) Sniffer and Hotfoot, (2) Doc and Gabby, (3) Midnight.

Sniffer and Hotfoot are aimlessly wandering down the sidewalk when a sedan with some rather mobster-looking types roll up and ask for directions to the Vaporian Consul's office.  A distressed-looking passenger in the car is crying about how he "doesn't wanna be a king!"  This elicits a pistol-whipping that knocks the "king" unconscious.  The driver tells Sniffer not to worry--"His majesty just hates going back to work."

Rather than raising any suspicions on the part of the self-anointed "world's greatest detective," Sniffer announces, "Your Majesty, I've found you."  He then squeezes into the car and volunteers to personally lead the entourage to the Consul's office.

Simultaneously in another part of town, Doc and Wackey witness a recently-fired actor emerging from the theatre-house still decked out in kingly costume.  Noticing nothing other than the guy's clothes, Wackey just strolls up and asks, "Are you the King of Vaporia?"  [Because...sure, that's the most-logical conclusion Mr. man-of-science.]  Given his dearth of cash-flow, the opportunistic thespian immediately seizes upon this as an opportunity for his "next meal ticket," and proclaims that, "of course" he is "the King of Vaporia!"

Meanwhile, the solo Midnight has opted to begin his search for Zoris in Big City's Vaporian enclave.  He stops at a non-descript laundry (that, surprisingly, is opened at midnight?!) and asks the proprietor if he has any information on the whereabouts of the missing king.  The cagey shop-owner, however, proves unhelpful, only telling our hero, "you could find King Zoris if you really wanted to."  Intent on doing just that, the blue bastion of justice heads for the door when suddenly:

The shop-owner next gives our hero a "parting gift," shovels his unconscious form into a laundry bag, and dumps him off a pier on the way to deliver the Vaporian Consul's wet wash.

IS THIS THE END OF BIG CITY'S SENTINEL OF JUSTICE?!  Come back next week to find out!