First, let me apologize for missing last week's post.
Second, let me apologize that for this week (and perhaps future weeks) this is all I have for you.
Third, let me give you a brief update that will help explain this dereliction of duty. Ever since it's inception, this blog has been something I did on the side.
Unfortunately, I learned on May 14th of this year that I was being let go from the university where I had worked as an academic librarian for about 9 years. Since that time, I've found myself in a bit of a fog....having to pack up and get out, having to start the job hunt, having to break the news to our early teen children that we'll almost certainly have to leave the only home they've got much memory of.
To be honest, I just don't have it in me to blog about comics right now. If you are the praying sort, I'd greatly appreciate you sending up a few words on our behalf that some better doors will open (and soon)!
I hope that this isn't the last post I ever make on this blog, but it might be. At the very least, posting is probably going to get a lot more sporadic until I can get my feet underneath me again.
It seems like we've been on a tear recently with Midnight adventures centering--one way or another--around one-off female characters. This week we sort of explore Dave Clark's dating life (something that's been unaddressed since "The Circus Mystery" by Jack Cole back in Smash Comics #24. Apparently there was no love connection with Miss Taylor, perhaps our boy will have better luck with Miss Annabelle Sweete.
This story again opens with Dave's roommates at swords' points. Sniffer has apparently helped himself to Doc Wackey's store of "pre-war grape juice."
When Gabby and the Doc come to exact their revenge, Sniffer barricades himself into his bedroom and threatens to let them, "have both barrels right through the door!" His will for revenge inexplicably broken, Doc gives up his pursuit...but before walking away he issues a prophetic warning to Sniffer: "...one of these days Dave Clark'll need his spare bedroom and out you'll go!" This gets Sniffer to fretting...and scheming.
Meanwhile, blocks away an appropriate-looking criminal attorney named Denslow is lying in wait for District Attorney Westcott. Denslow approaches and, before the D.A. can fully grasp the danger he's in, guns down Wescott! A block away from these happenings, Dave Clark is exiting his radio station when he hears the gunshot.
Midnight-sense, tingling!
Quickly donning his mask, Dave somehow knows exactly which direction to run to and he arrives--attired as Midnight--at the scene (apparently) mere moments after the murder. While he's examining the body of the late D.A., our hero is surprised by a whisper behind him. Wheeling about for action, Midnight is shocked to discover not a hardened killer, but a witness!
It turns out that this blonde bombshell--eventually to be revealed as Miss Annabelle Sweete--was standing nearby when Westcott was gunned down, and tells Midnight she recognized the killer! Before she can say more, a second shot rings out--narrowly missing Sweete! However unlikely it might seem, Denslow has stuck around and now knows he's been made. Having--literally--dodged a bullet, Midnight swiftly, he spirits the young woman out of the alley and into a nearby taxi cab.
Once safely away, Annabelle reveals she passed both men close enough to hear them speaking to each other and got a good look at their faces (though--unbelievably--neither of them noticed her?).
Midnight decides Annabelle needs a safe house to hide out until she can testify against Denslow. He suggests she in his "friend" Dave Clark's spare room. Miss Sweete not only agrees, she really...uh...commits to the role.
At the house, Midnight asks Annabelle to wait a moment while he goes informs "Dave" of the plan. Then he'll send Clark out to escort her in properly.
As soon as he's inside, Dave (he's apparently removed at the mask on the walk up to the front door?) tells the boys to frantically get the place spruced up because his girlfriend is waiting outside. Despite being shocked and little offended that they've been left in the dark about this romance, the trio comply. They do, however, pause long enough to spy on Dave lip-wrestling his new lady friend in front of the house. From the looks of it, Dave may have lost that particular match.
Back inside the house, Dave makes the entirely reasonable announcement that, "Annabelle is visiting us for awhile! One of you'll bunk on the couch until we make regular arrangements for her room!" Immediately, the wild speculation begins. Sniffer is enraged that this surely signals and his and Hotfoot's impending ouster. Vowing that he "won't take this lying down" and that, "if anyone leaves it'll be that be that female Dracula!"
Meanwhile, Doc and Gabby entertain fevered fears of their own.
Oh, Doc...Your lingo has not aged well. smh
All of Dave's roomies decide to pursue reverse-psychology strategies to get Annabelle to leave. After Doc politely excuses himself to go work on his latest invention, Gabby warns Annabelle she might not want to sit too close to the door as the Doc is "getting a bit careless" in his old age and that new super atomic bomb could make a nasty hole.
While Gab and Doc are painting pictures of mortal danger, Sniffer prefers to appeal to his assumed feminine sense of disgust.
I'm not gonna lie. Annabelle is startin' to grow on me.
Meanwhile, Midnight's search for Denslow is reaching a dead end. Denslow, however, has hit upon a strategy for finding (and snuffing out) the mystery woman who witnessed his crime. He knows radio man Dave Clark is buddies with Midnight, so Denslow wonders if the woman might be stashed there. Okay...kinda convenient but I guess the story isn't too outlandish. Next, however, Denslow decides that he personally should go and check out Clark's home. (Mind you, this is despite the fact that up til now, Denslow's apparently remained in hiding and has been sending his underlings out to look for the woman...So, why the sudden change of heart?)
When his oathmen cronies object that their boss can't go out in public without being nabbed on the spot! (Nevermind that it makes no sense why he would be nabbed, since Annabelle has yet to testify to any legal authority!) . Never they should worry, though. Da Boss has a plan:
Umm...yeah. Looks perfectly normal.
Despite Denslow's desires, his two thugs worry about the boss heading to Clark's house alone. (Awww. Isn't that sweet?) They decide to secretly tail him...just to make sure he isn't nailed for Wescott's murder and they don't wind up being sent to jail along with him. And anyway, they reason, "that Clark oughta be rubbed out for bein' chummy with Midnight!"
Spying Denslow coming up the drive, Sniffer seizes upon yet another moronic idea.
No sooner is he escorted into the living room, than Denslow dumps the headgear and produces a gat. He's prevented from shooting Annabelle, however, by Hotfoot's intervention. While the bear cub goes chows down on the lawyer's ankle like a ribeye, one of Denslow's shots goes wild. The report sends his goons racing to their boss' aid, and causes Wackey and Gabby to (incomprehensibly) conclude that Annabelle has started housecleaning?!
Perhaps Doc should invent a hearing aid.
Midnight returns home--in costume, mind you--to find his quarry in his living room. The standard fistfight ensues. Whatever Doc is cooking up (we're never quite told) it blows the door off its hinges striking Denslow in the face. Apparently, the smoke (or is it the stench?) coming off the experiment is pretty bad too. It empties the house! When the cos show up to arrest Denslow & company, the (shockingly) fickle Annabelle starts hittin' on the balding (and presumably much older) chief of police.
Guess Midnight dodged more than one bullet this time.
Meanwhile, despairing of their pal ever returning with the promised pork chops, Wackey and Gab have stepped out and are on their way to pick up their own dinner at The Coffee Pot when they abducted at gunpoint by a woman calling herself Circe. Apparently, Circe is simply a misandrist with a particularly bizarre plan for exacting her feminine vengeance.
Despite their skepticism, a quick dosing of Circe's "pig medicine" and Midnight's sidekicks become swinekicks.
We next learn that the mystery man buying all the pork is named Quimby. If you want to get a sense of Quimby, try to imagine an anti-Ron Swanson and I think you'd be pretty spot on.
The next couple of panels are confusing. I think we're to understand that Circe has set up in Doc Gage's basement. Further, we're supposed to divine that Midnight followed Quimby around town, but for some bizarre reason didn't overtake him to demand an explanation until he arrived at Gage's. Mind you, the exact location of Circe's lab is not specified...However, I can't make sense of these panels with any other explanation:
A quick inspection of his late friend, reveals that Gage took a rap to the head...though apparently with more long-lasting consequences. About this time, Midnight spots his caged pals, and Circe is breathless at the prospect of another "pig-man" for her collection.
The femme fatale protests that she didn't kill the doctor, and Midnight compliments her on an "almost convincing" act.
Meanwhile, Sniffer Snoop is still in search of dinner when he spots our old pal Quimby attempting to scale a security fence at the Kirkey Packing Plant. Concluding that the Kirkey Plant will reward him handsomely for capturing a thief in the act, Sniffer gives chase and--like Midnight before him--follows Quimby all the way back to Circe's lab before overtaking him. (Makes one wonder just how fleet of foot that little shrimp Quimby is. After all, he's been running around all day...toting a large amount of pork...and still manages to outrun two regular crimefighters!)
In any event, Sniffer charges in as Circe is delivering her manifesto about the mission to turn all men into pigs...oh yeah, and she totally has no idea what happened to Gage.
Midnight looks super engaged here, doesn't he?
Despite getting the drop on her and being armed himself, Sniffer somehow manages to not subdue or shoot the deranged vixen...and even manages to get himself stuck with her porcine transformation serum, and then somehow locked in the cage with Doc and Gabby! (Yeah...real helpful there Sniffter.)
Quimby--who's suddenly reappeared--explains it's getting harder and harder for him to locate meat sources. It's so bad, he pleads, that he had to "risk" swiping his most recent haul from the Kirkey Packing Plant.
At this point, Midnight--who for some inexplicable reason was never locked up or shot or injected by Circe despite all the time she's had him down in her basement laboratory, abruptly decides he's got more important things to do than stop this mad scientist or free any of his caged roommates.
Meanwhile, a distraught Hotfoot decides he can wait no longer for his master and sets out to find Sniffer Snoop. Apparently, the bear cub follows his scent because suddenly el oso blanco arrives at Circe's Lab, where the aforementioned ne'er-do-weller is given to a surprising (and, frankly, kind of unbelievable) fit of panic at his sight!
Circe recovers pretty quick, though. Grabbing the nearest needle, she decides she'll just turn Hotfoot into a pig too. Unfortunately for her, in the melee she gets confused and injects him with the antidote. When Hotfoot, then pursues his piglike master and roomies, the little bear's bites transfer the antidote to them and everyone is returned to normal. (Yeah...because that's how medicine works.)
While Wackey and the others are busy cornering Circe, Midnight is crashing through an office window over at the Kirkey Packing Plant. Just before he does so, Gustavson treats us to an omniscient narrator view of the office interior, explaining just who was behind the fatal attack on Gage.
While delivering his standard beating of the bad guys, Midnight lets Kirkey know that he's owed an extra blow or two for the blackjack slug he gave Midnight back at Dr. Gage's home. Bereft of his muscle, Kirkey promptly surrenders and begins spilling the beans on all his criminal activities. After acknowledging that he clubbed Midnight, the packing plant impresario admits to following Gage to the home of the late vet's lab assistant, where he knocked Gage unconscious and left him in a freezer to die of hypothermia. Suddenly putting two and two together, Midnight leaves Kirkey with the cops and rushes back to Circe's lab.
Upon arrival, he finds all his buddies are back to looking like regular ole hominids. A broken Circe is crying about how she still loves Jim, and it was only her grief that drove her mad. "If only he were still alive!"
This our cue for the improbable wrap-up scene as Doc Wackey announces that Gage is alive. "He just needed a little reviving!"
There's a lot of words you could use to describe a story like this
but I don't think "simple" is one of them, Midnight.
Whenever you see one of those lists of "lamest superheroes" there's a really good chance that somewhere on there you'll find Buford T. Hollis AKA The Razorback. That's a shame. Being an Arkie myself, I've always had a fond spot for the Razorback because of his name (if nothing else). However, I don't think that's all there is to commend him.
Gilgamesh
When it comes to costume looks, I understand that mileage varies, but to me Razorback always had an appealing look just because it was so...bizarrely different. Marvel briefly attempted something similar with Gilgamesh...but who are we kiddin'? That lame allusive bull-head ain't got nothin' on Buford's glorious man-beast headgear!
Aside from his fetching headdress, I thought the Razorback had a good color scheme. I tend to like heroes in green anyways (e.g., Green Lantern, Green Arrow, Fire, Mantis, Gamora, Drax, etc.) but the green and brown bespeak a earthy sorta guy. If a dude named Buford became a superhero, I'd totally expect him to have a costume that made great use of camo color combinations.
So with all these positives, what's not to like about Razorback? Well...his one mind-boggling failure is his powerset. Now with a name (and look) like what we see above, what would you expect? A guy with super-strength...maybe a super-tough hide. Somebody along the lines of Power-Man...or maybe Wolverine sans the claws and adamantium skeleton? That would be logical. That would make sense with his name....but no.
Razorback's mutant power was...the ability to drive any kind of vehicle. [crickets] Yep. You read that right. Now, in fairness...prior to the manifestation of his mutant power, Buford was already an all-star athlete. So, he's got some pretty solid physical strength and endurance...it's just not superhuman. Fair enough. That basically puts him in the class of guys like Hawkeye, the Punisher, etc. (though probably sans the combat training of those guys.)
Since ComicVine lists no creator(s) for the Razorback, I can only assume that credit for his being is due to everyone on the credits line of his inaugural appearance (summarized below). If that is correct, then Buford T. Hollis' four daddies are: Bill Mantlo, Sal Buscema, Mike Esposito, and Archie Goodwin. Additionally, two (presumably) ladies also appear on the byline, but their last names are not given. (I wouldn't want to be in the HR meeting discussing this one after the fact). Can anybody out there help me with the identification of Annette K. and Janice C. ?
Anywho, I like the Razorback...and I hope you will too. Read on for my synopsis of his first appearance, and some Razorback fan art by my kids.
First Appearance
The inaugural appearance of the Razorback was in The Spectacular Spider-Man #13 (DEC 1977). [Interestingly, this makes the Razorback and I almost the same age. Doubly-interesting because I grew up only an hour from the Razorback's supposed place of origin (i.e., Texarkana, AR).]
This issue opens with Spidey picking himself up off the ground in a trash-strewn alley. Apparently, he was blasted out there during a confrontation with Brother Power and Sister Sun (in the previous issue).
Stilled addled, when his Spider-sense starts tingling the Wall Crawler assumes Brother Power has followed him into the alley to finish him off. Rather than waiting for his vision to clear, Spidey decides to get the drop on this attacker by throwing the first punch. Unfortunately, as he discovers, this "somebody big" isn't Brother Power!
Thus, the Razorback is
introduced (in truly painful
hackneyed "Trucker lingo.")
Razorback grabs the web-head by his noggin and hurls him across the alley. Sailing through the air, Spidey grabs hold of a light post, using it and his momentum to swing back and plant a crushing blow into Razorback's chest. This is enough to launch the porcine paladin through the front window of Brother Power's restaurant.
The Wall Crawler follows, intending to finish off Razorback quickly so he can, "get back upstairs" to "save Flash." (I guess Flash Thompson got himself in a some sort of a jam in the previous issue.) When Spider-Man takes hold of his still prone foe, we're introduced to another little trick of the Razorback
Of course he has an electric mane.. You know, just like the
native razorback?!
As the Spider is twitching and writhing on the floor to shake off the effects of the shock, his sparring opponent suddenly gets all chummy. First we learn that he built his electrified mane out of spare radio parts. Razorback opines, "if that don't prove I belong in the big times, ain't nuthin' will!" (I don't know, pal. That seems like kind of a low bar to decide you're ready to tangle with the likes of Dr. Doom, Thanos, et. al. but whatever)
Razorback tells Spidey he, "don't hold no grudges" since he understands that, "all you eastern superhero types always stomp each other by way o' introduction!" With that, the hogshead hero extends a hand to help Spidey up off the floor, while--for reasons that utterly escape me--revealing his real name is Buford T. Hollis from Texarkana, AR.
Okay, so...it's a weird introduction. But rather than being gracious, the webhead gets simultaneously self-righteous and self-centered, accusing Razorback of "pick[ing] a fight just to get to know me!" (Apparently, getting tazed by the electric mane cause Spidey to forget that he threw the opening punch of this little tussle.)
After his atypically un-heroic outburst, Spidey charges upstairs to find a beaten and addled (but still breathing) Flash Thompson. Flash explains that while Brother Power was using his head as punching bag, he and Sha Shan (Sister Sun) suddenly stopped cold--like they were listening to a voice from elsewhere--before suddenly fleeing.
Spider-Man starts to question Flash further, but that is cut short by the sight of Brother Power's sedan laying rubber on the street. Just as he's about to web after the car, Spidey is stopped by a big gloved hand attached to an even bigger fella. Again, Spidey initially reacts with jerkishness, calling Razorback an, "overgrown corn-fed hayseed" before shutting up long enough for RB to explain, "I'm just tryin' to save ya a trip -- sort of by way o' apologizin'!" (Again...not really sure what Razorback is needing to apologize for here.)
Anyway, the Master of Taxidermy explains that he's placed a tracer on Brother Power's car. Without bothering to issue his own (more warranted) apology, Spidey finally admits, "not bad at all, Tusks" before changing the subject by asking why Razorback is after Brother Power. The Swooieee Sentinel merely repeats his earlier ambiguous claim that, "it's family business."
Spider-Man let's the whole question of motivation drop as quickly as it arose when Flash Thompson comes running up demanding to be included if the two animal-themed adventurers are "going after Sha Shan." Amazingly, Spider-Man says, "Why not?...Three can afford the cab fare easier than one!" (What?! This dude was just near-unconscious in an upstairs room, but sure let the un-powered civilian tag along for a confrontation with a super-villain?!) As it turns out, the trio will get to save their cab fare 'cause RB has some wheels of his own.
It's like a grain combine had a secret love child with a Peterbilt...
and it was one ugly baby.
They rollout in the "fastest semi-rig north, east, south, or west of T-City, Arkansas" (by the way, as a native of the area, I don't believe I ever heard anyone refer to Texarkana as "T-City") in pursuit of Brother Power. Oh and, just because, we're treated to a panel of the Big Pig popping a wheelie!
Meanwhile, north of the city, Brother Power & Sister Sun arrive at a fancy schmancy Croton-on-the-Hudson estate. As they enter, an underling informs them that their superior (as yet unidentified) is awaiting to personally express his displeasure at their performance.
Though Brother Power starts to accuse the underling of scheming against him, that's cut short when the Big Bad reveals himself and condemns Brother Power for having defied his orders not to utilize his superhuman powers in public. And that Big Bad is none other than...
Am I the only one who found it super-corny that the Hate-Monger had
a giant "H" on his chest?
Despite Brother Power's braggadocio, a quick pimp power blast from the Hate Monger puts the little underling back in his place. Then, to twist the knife a bit more, the ol' Violent Violet informs BP that not only did he violate the first rule of Fight Club the Legion of Light, he also managed to lead "outsiders" to their little retreat. Quicker than a knife fight in a phone booth, Brother Power is back to grovelling and begging the Hate Monger to, "let me do penance by destroying these interlopers!"
Meanwhile, said interlopers are...
No...not those guys. These guys:
We find out that the picture of the runaway taped to the dash is of Razorback's sister, one Bobbie Sue (because of course that's her name). So Bobbie Sue--we'll just call her B.S. for short😏--joined up with Brother Power's cult and was brainwashed into cutting all ties with her family. (Cult brainwashing stories were all over the newsin the 70s and 80s.) By the time he found out where they'd stashed his little sister, the Legion of Light was gone--and they'd taken their little B.S. with them! (See what I did there?)
Buford, being the rational chap he was, "figgered" that since he had some big muscles, had a knack for building things, and "had stopped a gang of radio rustlers smugglin' hot CB equipment across state lines," he could just put on a hogs head and track his sister down. (No, I'm not making up that part about the radio rustlers. That is actually in the comic.)
Having finished his rather weird origin story, Razorback gives Flash an opening to explain the back story of himself, Sha Shan, and the Legion. We learn that Sha was the daughter of a reclusive Vietnamese mystic. One day her pops summoned Sha and told her, "there is a precarious balance on earth between good and evil." Dear ol' dad goes on to explain that a Lord of Darkness has descended to earth and chosen a mortal as his emissary of hate. For some unexplained reason, however, this emissary has been given power that he won't actually be able to use unless joined to one of purity and innocence. And...you guessed it...Sha Shan "has" to be the one to marry this dweeb of darkness in order to preserve the all-important balance. Oh and by the way, Sha Shan's dad tells her he doesn't have long to live. Well Brother Power (the aforementioned dweeb) shows up, marries Sha, and they flee just before the temple is destroyed in the last bombing of the Vietnam War.
About the time Flash's story ends, the Big Pig rolls to a stop on a hill overlooking the Hate-Monger's hacienda.
This doesn't seem like a sufficiently stealthy approach to me. You?
Spidey pretty quickly reins in Razorback's enthusiasm to charge in (metaphorical) guns blazing by reminding him, "we're on private property now--and the Legion hasn't broken any laws!" (Well...except for that part where they had Flash tied up in a room above a restaurant beating the crap out of him, but...little details I guess.)
Spidey manages to walk across a remarkably low-hanging telephone line in what looks like broad daylight without being seen by any of the confessedly beefed up security.
Maybe his words are nicer,
but Spidey's still thinking
self-righteously.
Arriving outside a upper-floor window, Spidey is shocked to see the Brother Power and Sister Sun in the same room with the supposedly-dead Hate-Monger!
HM spouts the standard bad guy pablum about how the Legion's "gullible" followers will see his appearance at a planned rally the following day as, "the greatest manifestation of the power of the light! But they...will learn that it is really the power of hate...and swiftly feel just how great that power truly is!"
Deciding hanging out with a wanted criminal--even a dead one--is sufficient evidence against the Legion of Light, Spidey tries to make his way back to Razorback and Flash. Unfortunately for the Wall Crawler, a searing jolt of electricity runs down the "telephone" line shocking the arachnid and sending him crashing through the roof and into a shed adjacent to the main house.
Back on the hillside, Flash and Razorback witness a bright flash of light and conclude their pal has gotten in trouble and needs some back-up. Unfortunately for the not-quite-dynamic duo, they're almost immediately surrounded by a legion of club-wielding legionnaires.
This odds are lookin' pretty lopsided to me, but ya gotta admire the Pork
Protector's moxie!
Back at the shed, Spider-Man finds himself in pitch darkness (which is odd, since it sure looks like it's daytime outside and he did fall straight through the roof--I mean, wouldn't you expect some sunlight would make it through? But I digress.) That doesn't last long, however, as the lights suddenly flick on to reveal Brother Power and Sister Sun in a joint attack on the Webslinger! They reveal that everything Spidey overheard was part of an elaborate trap using decoys. All the while, BP and SS were waiting in the shed for him to come crashing through the roof so they could blast him with their light powers. (😔 Ahhhh. Okay. And how did Hate-Monger know precisely the route that Spidey would take retreating from the house? In order to work properly this "plan" seems to require a Calvinist God-level of foreknowledge. I wasn't aware that the HM supposedly had that ability.)
Up on the hillside, Flash and Buford (more accurately--Buford) are giving the Legion of Light storm-troopers the ol' what-for. Between his electric mane and fisticuffs, Razorbacks got bodies hittin' the floor (well, okay, the ground) right and left. His fighting frenzy is momentarily stayed, however, when he spots his missing little sister, Bobbie Sue. This turns out to be a bad life decision.
Our next panels are a series of head shots of the Hate-Monger. He's thanking Spider-Man and his (perhaps less-than-amazing) friends for attacking his residence so directly. By doing this, HM says, they've played into his hands. Now even more people will tune in to watch his televised rally because they'll just be curious to know, "what manner of organization inspires such horrible acts of mindless violence!"
The origin of the expression 'pig in a poke' comes from the 1500s, when a “poke” was a sack, and merchants would sell piglets in pokes, often sight unseen. When an unsuspecting buyer got his poke home and went to release the piglet, a chicken, duck, goose, or some other animal less valuable than a pig would come out of the bundle instead. The advice being given is “don’t buy anything until you have seen it.” (gingersoftware.com)
The expression strikes me as very appropriate for the Midnight feature from August 1946. As the story opens, Dave Clark is strolling past the offices of his (apparently) old friend, veterinarian Jim Gage. He decides to drop in for a visit--just in time to see the Doc manhandling a thug whom he'd caught, "prowling around my office."
Squealing Like a Stuck Pig
As the ne'er-do-well is running away he ominously shouts, "Kirkey'll take care 'o you!" When Dave asks what this is all about, Gage dismisses it as not "worth the trouble of asking." The good doctor then quickly pivots the conversation by saying he has a very important announcement that Dave can make on air, if he likes.
Gage claims he's discovered a surefire method for detecting trichinosis in pigs. Dave says that's "terrific," and we're treated to a couple of PSA style panels where Gage and Clark more-or-less break the fourth wall to tell us about the importance of government meat inspectors. This whole conversation is interrupted, however, by a sudden phone call.
Dave offers some tongue-in-cheek condolence to Gage for the loss of his, "best girl." Gage responds that it's worse than that: She was his best lab assistant! Dave smoothly segues into an exit by acknowledging there's little he can do to help his friend solve the new assistant vacancy...but he'll be sure to broadcast the Gage discovery. With that, he's out the door.
Just outside, however, Dave notes that the thug who'd been casing Gage's office earlier has returned--with a gun! Quickly donning his mask, our hero decides to pick up with would-be assassin where Gage left off.
Unfortunately, Midnight's opponent has an accomplice waiting across the street in a car. While our boy is distracted beating his brown-suited yegg to a pulp, his wingman approaches and clubs the blue paladin unconscious. By the time Midnight wakes, both assailants are gone. He takes a quick peek in the window, sees Gage is fine and busy with something--and decides there's, "no sense in worrying him with all this." [Yes. You read that right. Midnight decides that the guy who was apparently the intended target of a murder doesn't need to at least be warned that a dude showed up outside his office with a handgun to plug him!?] Instead, he just takes off his domino mask and heads home.
Back at the Case de Clark (y amigos), Dave decides he really just needs a little meal to clear his head. Alas, Sniffer has already wiped out all the roast beef. After breaking up yet another near-fisticuffs between Wackey and original Snoop Dog, Dave volunteers to head out and buy, "a flock of pork chops" as it's almost dinner time.
Poor Dave can't seem to get a break, though. At one butcher shop after another he keeps hearing the same story: "Sorry, but the guy who was in here just before you bought up every piece of hog meat in the store!" After about seven shops, Dave finally spots the pork-laden purchaser and tries to corner the guy to get some answers as to what the heck he's doing.
Who is this mystery man? Why is he gathering all the pork in Big City?
Come back next week for the answers to these (and other) questions!
When we left Midnight last week, our hero had just captured the fleeing Cyanide Cindy after her failed attempt to threaten her way to the Kandle Beauty Lotion Contest crown.
Having learned that his contestants were...ahh...motivated to not put their proverbial best feet forward, Kandle is persuaded to restart the contest. Though radio announcer Dave Clark has mysteriously disappeared, Midnight offers to pinch hit for him.
When word of the soon-to-be reprised contest gets out, Dame Kandle storms off proclaiming, "John Kandle doesn't know I'm here! Wait'll I ask him about these contest kiddies! The worm!"
Fifteen minutes later, the allotted prep time has come and gone but now both Mr. Kandle and Sniffer Snoop are missing! Midnight tells Mr. Perkins (the only remaining contest judge) to stay on site, and our hero makes a bee-line for a nearby tavern where he's sure he'll find the absent assessors of allurement.
He arrives to find a panicked Hotfoot "yipe-ing" and to see Cyanide Cindy and Lefty forcing some poor sap into a car. (You'd think they would've been handed over to the cops following their earlier assault with a deadly weapon and intimidation, but I guess not?!) So, naturally, Midnight has to subdue them a second time.
Just another scene of the "non-powered" Midnight punching a dude hard
enough to knock the door off a 1940s sedan. 😕
After quickly trussing up Cindy, we learn that her would-be victim was Sniffer Snoop. Sniffer informs Midnight that he was heading to the tavern with Kandle when the magnate suddenly disappeared. A moment later, Sniff Dogg says he heard a groan from the bushes, but before he could investigate he was seized by Cindy and Lefty. He leads Midnight to the scene of the crime where our hero discovers Kandle's corpse!
Sniffer races back to the contest fetches Perkins, Gabby, Wackey, and Mrs. Kandle. Then...the wild speculation starts. Sniffer is sure the "gangster woman" is guilty. Cindy protests that she's, "not strong enough to kill a man with a rabbit punch!" Though not necessarily on-board with Sniffer, Midnight notes that he's experienced Cindy's delicate fist one or twice...and it's plenty lethal!
Gabby interjects that obviously Mrs. Kandle is guilty party! "You should've heard the threats she made against her husband!" Midnight looks Dame Kandle over, pronouncing her "...just about strong enough to kill a man that way, too!" At this, the emotionally-distraught widow faints.
Mr. Perkins sweeps his erstwhile employer's widow up in his arms and begins carrying her to a first aid station. While Gabby and Sniffer are still busy arguing over which woman is the murderer, Midnight (in his best Columbo impression) asks Perkins, "Isn't Mrs. Kandle a bit heavy for you?"
When the slight man explains that adrenaline fuelled chivalry must've given him a momentary burst of strength, Midnight asks if Perkins might not mind rolling up his sleeves and showing off his ectomorphic frame. And then comes our "Big Reveal!"
This week's story, again, presents us with a femme fatale. In this case, her name is Cyanide Cindy! (I like it.) As per usual with Midnight's female villains, I'm expecting this story to be a little more interesting than the last couple.
As the story begins, Wackey and Gab are curious where Dave is heading off to. He informs them he's broadcasting a beauty contest at Center Park. Wackey and Gab recall Sniffer having said something about being a "fine judge of feminine pulchritude," and decide to tag along to see what stupid thing Sniffer will do there. (Sure, guys. That's why you wanted to go to the women-in-swimsuits competition.😏) Upon arrival at Central Park--lo, and behold!--Sniffer actually is a judge! When he disavows Wackey and Gab to contest sponsor John Kandle, the latter orders their unceremonious bouncing from the judges' area.
The disgruntled duo settle into seats amongst the general audience. Gabby grouses, "Someday I'm going to eat that turkey buzzard raw!" A middle-aged woman in the crowd overhears the threat and chimes in, "If you're talking about my husband, John Kandle, I may cook him for you! Imagine such goings-on just to sell his beauty lotions!"
This budding discourse is interrupted, however, when Dave Clark announces, "the cream of American womanhood!" Apparently, the cream left something to be desired.
Incensed, Mr. Kandle decides someone has plotted to sabotage Kandle's Beauty Lotion with this farce. He demands an explanation from one of his employees named Perkins. (I can only assume Perkins is a right-hand man or something.) Wackey and Gabby are having a ROTFLOL moment, whilst Dame Kandle seems suspiciously pleased by the goings on.
Though initially wanting to call the whole thing off believing, "if pictures of these women get into the papers my business will be ruined!" Perkins persuades him that he must name a winner if for no other reason than prestige. "People expect you to come through every time!" (Yeah...I'm not really following the logic on that argument either.)
Despite the lack of any real logic in Perkins' argument, Mr. Kandle is nevertheless on the verge of naming one of the contestants the winner, when a last-minute mystery contestant shows up.
While the disparate reactions of Wackey, Gabby, and Mrs. Kandle are pretty much what you'd expect.
Sniffer has a (shocking!) attack of conscience and protests to Kandle that he has his principles and won't be changing his vote. "After all, beauty is only skin deep!" While the two judges are busy debating the ontological nature of beauty, the last-minute contestant decides to take a more direct approach. She tells a guy named Lefty to, "toss me my rod." (Rod was just a term for a handgun back in the day. Get your mind outta the gutter.) About this time, Midnight realizes why the mystery contestant looks so familiar. She's a notorious (though previously unseen) criminal named Cyanide Cindy!
Quick as a whip, our boy Midnight pieces together that, "Those [other] contestants look like dishrags because Cindy persuaded them in her own sweet way!" The next thing you know, the femme fatale has a gun at the back of Sniffer's head.
At this point, I'm wondering, "Why all
this rigamarole to win a beauty contest?
Is there a big cash prize? Is Cindy insanely
insecure?
About this time, Midnight comes out from behind the curtain telling Cindy to, "Drop that heater!" She, of course, takes a shot at him at near point-blank range...but somehow utterly fails to hit him, whilst our azure-hued avenger deftly kicks the gun out of her hand.
For good measure, Midnight goes on to deck Cindy's henchman (Lefty), who also is armed...and also fails to get a bullet within three miles of our hero, despite firing at point blank range. (A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, these guys would've made great imperial storm troopers.)
Cindy tries to make a break for it, while our hero was dispatching Lefty...but no such luck for the beastly beauty.
"Every time I meet you?!" Cindy sure sounds like she's tangled with our
hero before, but I can't seem to find when/where.
